A-Rod Sues Jason Varitek: "It's all his fault"

Om nom nom...

NEW YORK- The saga of New York Yankees third baseman, steroid user, and noted sociopathic narcissist Alex Rodriguez took another odd turn yesterday when he announced that, in addition to suing the MLB, the Yankees, and the Players' Union, Rodriguez has decided to file suit against former Boston Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek.

Alex Rodriguez, also known as A-Rod, A-Roid, A-Fraud, A-Hole, Slappy, Slappy McBluelips, Mr. Madonna, and Dumbass, is embroiled in a PED controversy that threatens to tarnish the legacy of disgust and contempt that he has worked so hard to foster during his illustrious career with the New York Yankees.

"Alex claims that all of his problems began in 2004 when Varitek tried to force him to eat a glove on national television during the 2004 season," Bobby Shill, a spokesweasel for Rodriguez announced yesterday during a press conference. "It was at this point that A-Rod's psyche was so irrevocably damaged that he had no choice but to turn to performance enhancing drugs to make himself better, which of course he didn't actually take. On purpose. He was tricked. He didn't do it. He didn't know the stuff was illegal. Which he didn't take. A big scary monster did it."

According to the wording of the suit, Jason Varitek caused Rodriguez "irreparable harm to Mr. Rodriguez' self-esteem and mentally unhinged him, forcing him to commit unsportsmanlike acts that he would otherwise not do, if there was any chance he'd get caught."

The suit further alleges that after the catcher's mitt made contact with his teeth, Rodriguez developed "an unhealthy obsession for beef jerky and other forms of stringy aged meat products", citing not only the possibility that Varitek had rubbed barbecue sauce on his mitt, but also offering a possible explanation for why Rodriguez formed an ultimately destructive relationship with Madonna.

A-Rod took time out from a recent posing session for a new portrait depicting him as a minotaur. "It doesn't matter that I eventually went on to single-handedly win the World Series for the Yankees in 2009, and won the love, respect, and admiration of every fan and player in baseball. Jason got inside my head and really messed me up."

Rodriguez also offered a hint that if his current defensive strategy fails, he intends to prove that all wrong-doing was in fact committed by his evil counterpart from the Mirror Universe, as depicted in the original Star Trek series. "My evil counterpart is clever," Rodriguez admitted. "He even shaved off his evil counterpart goatee in order to pass for me!" Rodriguez will attempt to prove that every time he did something good, it was the "real" him, managing to somehow overcome his evil opposite and take his life back, while every time something questionable occurred, it was the evil Mirror-A-Rod regaining control.

Pathfinder Game Recap: Chapter One

In addition to my many other interests, I'm an avid role-player. We play Pathfinder, which is essentially Dungeons and Dragons 3.5 but cleaned up nicely. Our campaign takes place in Hawkhaven, which is my original campaign world from the late 1970's, now cleaned up, converted to Pathfinder rules, oh, yeah, and the timeline gets advanced over 2,000 years, effectively limiting my ability to trot out my old characters and inflict them on the players.

We meet once a month at our place, and we have a huge group. This is our third Hawkhaven campaign, creatively called "Fame and Fortune". It's geared to be more of a traditional, straightforward "old school" type of campaign, with a big old dungeon inexplicably loaded with monsters and treasure.

Here's the roster for that first game. It's important to note that we also had two people who couldn't make it. It's a big roster, sure, but as time goes on and people get schedule conflicts, it starts to work out that about 2/3 of the active players can actually make it to any given session.

Roster
Haru (Augie)- Male Human Nihoni Cleric of Amaterasu

Miranda Morden (Carol)- Female Human Rogue

Captain Frank Longbeard (Chappy)- Male Human Rogue (Pirate);

Plin Forestwatcher(Chris)- Male Gnome Alchemist

Eara McElwyn(Colleen)- Female Half-Elf  Oracle

Caelma Silvertree (Dibs)- Male Elven Wizard

Takeo (H)- Male Human Nihoni Samurai; he’s a Ronin

Stanton (James)- Male Human Sorcerer

Hanabe (Jason)- Female Human Nihoni Ninja; she has a metal arm

Ashton (John)- Male Human Ranger

Gabriel (Kevin)- Male Human Paladin

Ratchtagg (Seth)- Male Half-Orc Fighter; travels with a mule named Claude and a mangy dog named Mumma-dog

Goram Deepseeker (Warren)- Male Dwarf Cleric of Dumathoin; He’s a Forgemaster

And here's the actual recap!

Chapter One: The Troll, The Troll, The Troll is on Fire

March 25^th-26^th, 316 PE (June 22^nd, 2013)

Roll Call: Goram Deepseeker , Captain Frank Longbeard, Haru, Ashton, Stanton, Ratchtagg, Plin Forestwatcher, Hanabe, Takeo, Gabriel, Miranda, Eara, Caelma

It’s Kingdom Day! This is the day that all four of the human nations are celebrating the official day that marks their independence from the Valgarion Empire. Thuringia holds an Octoberfest type celebration, Aguitania holds chivalric tournaments and grand parties, Calabria has operas, masquerade balls and art exhibitions, while Ardrovin has the typical country fair/competitive games, jousting and archery tournaments. Each kingdom’s celebration runs for about four days.

Thirteen strangers who attended Ardrovin's observance decide at the conclusion of the holiday  to travel together for safety, heading south to The Paths of Fate, an inn located at the crossroads of all four kingdoms, a strip of territory claimed by no one. This group is accompanied by five Calabrian young clergy of Duma (good god of freedom), who are initiates in the Order of St. Barea (patron saint of healers), and are traveling to a nearby chapter house.

While traveling along the road that leads out of Ardrovin, the group hears a clash of arms and decides to investigate. They come upon a group of orcs on worg mounts harassing a merchant wagon. The party sees one injured unconscious man and one hopelessly overmatched merchant desperately swinging a stick. The group springs into action.

Caelma calls the orcs out in their own language and casts Enlarge Person on Ratchtagg. Eara casts Divine Favor on herself and readies her bow, Stanton casts Magic Missile on one orc, Haru casts Bless on the group, and the rest of the party advances into combat.

Caelma casts Gravity Bow and lands a shot with his longbow on the leader. Miranda advances on the leader’s mount and hamstrings the wolf, damaging it and slowing it down. Frank moves in to hit the leader and downs him, but the wolf remains standing. Takeo moves in but misses badly while Gabriel lands one blow on an undamaged orc. The orcs counterattack. One badly misses Miranda but a wolf hits her hard. Another orc gets a critical hit on Hanabe and he falls unconscious to the ground. The wolf fumbles trying to hit Takeo and he counterattacks and kills the beast. The wolf attacking Gabriel throws his rider from his back and Gabriel gets an attack that damages the fumbled wolf. Plin advances to help Hanabe and throws an alchemical bomb at the group of orcs that are still riding on wolves, causing some general harm, havoc, and a nifty explosion. Eara moves up and casts Stabilize to stop Hanabe from bleeding out. Haru moves up and selectively channels to heal only his comrades.

Caelma uses his bonded item to retrieve Enlarge Person and casts it on Gabriel, who then moves up and slays one of the orcs. Ashton takes a shot at another orc and kills it. A few other party members advance to attack but miss. The orcs decide to retreat and run for the hills, though by doing so they suffer attacks from several party members. Miranda lands a blow on one fresh wolf. Frank misses a trip attempt on another wolf. Takeo and Gabriel gang up on a retreating wolf and kill it. Eara misses with a longbow shot while Hanabe comes to and gets her bearings. Haru moves up once again and catches more allies in a healing burst.

Being an elf, Caelma doesn’t want to let the orcs get away, and presses the attack, moving up to take another shot, wounding an orc. Miranda runs after an orc and crits it with a sneak attack. Frank then charges in, swinging an oar, but misses. Takeo kills an orc. Clearly outmatched, the surviving riderless wolves decide to run full out, despite suffering attacks of opportunity from many of the party members. Although a few blows connect, the retreating wolves manage to get two hundred feet away from the party, and break into a full-out run, successfully fleeing the scene.

The group comes back together and begins to make sense of the mess at the caravan. The conscious leader of the caravan introduces himself as Delmin Borgar, while the initiates of Saint Barea tend to everyone’s wounds. He and his compatriot are from the Lundarian Free Lands and are members of a merchant guild. When the orcs intercepted the caravan, the mercenaries hired to guard the caravan turned tail and ran off.

Eventually, a small group of Ardrovanian soldiers ride up (conveniently, after the fight is over!) and check up on the merchants. They agree, along with the clerics of Duma, to continue with the slower-moving caravan, freeing up the party to go on its way. However, before they leave, Delmin beckons the group aside for a moment in private.

Delmin tells the group of a lost underground complex created on a whim by an insane wizard who then proceeded to fill it with all manner of fell creatures, and scattered his fabulous fortune within the subterranean structure. Delmin is willing to pass along the approximate location of the complex if the party agrees to cut him and his partner in for 10% of the treasure, eliciting binding promises that the party will honor the bargain.

As a joke, Caelma lays claim to any boat inside the complex, as a dig at Frank. Frank takes exception to this and insults Caelma, who retaliates by casting Grease on him, but he makes his save. Caelma, his temper now out of control, hits Frank with a Telekinetic Fist, which knocks him back. Frank charges and scuffs Caelma with the blunt end of his oar before the party decides to separate them. The two of them calm down. Delmin decides to help out the party even more by giving them some items from his caravan, items he would have given the mercenaries after they arrived safely at their destination. The party splits up the items and continues on their way.

A couple of hours down the trail the group is stopped by ten highwaymen. Before the leader can finish his monologue (“Stand and deliver, and all that!”), the paladin and samurai simply up and charge the man. At this point, the leader calls out to release the troll and all Hell breaks loose.

           

Frank moves up to the troll and throws a bottle at it. Ashton takes out his Oathbow and swears to slay the troll and hits with a called shot to the troll’s leg. Haru moves up towards the troll and his keepers and uses the Gem of Brightness to try to blind the troll, but it resists. Ratchtagg charges in and his dog Mum watches his back as he lands a blow on one highwayman. Hanabe charges the bandit leader and makes a sneak attack on him.

Gabriel, wielding two weapons, lands a critical hit with his bastard sword and a regular hit with his longsword. Caelma moves to advance and uses his Telekinetic Fist to punch the leader into next week, knocking him unconscious. Eara attempts a Diplomacy check to get the highwaymen to surrender, but they reply confidently that they still can prevail, as they have a fully operational death troll. Plin runs up and lobs a fire bomb at the troll and his keepers, damaging the group, setting the troll on fire, and coming up with the recap title.

 The highwaymen spring into action, landing one blow on Miranda, one blow on Hanabe, two hits (one of which is a critical hit) on Takeo, and one shot on Plin, while the troll horribly misses Frank and stumbles, giving him a free shot which he takes full advantage of. Takeo lands one hit on a rogue. Goram hurls his new warhammer at his racial foe, the troll, landing a terrible blow on him. The hammer then returns to his hand.

Frank insults the troll but fails to faze him. Ashton attempts to finish off his foe and does so with a shot of his Oathbow. Haru moves into range and uses the Gem of Brightness to blind four out of five of his targets. Gabriel gets into attacking range and lands a hit. Miranda makes a sneak attack. Caelma moves up and casts Color Spray on two enemies and is able to stun one of them. Eara shoots wide of the highwayman that refused her offer of mercy.

The highwaymen that decided against surrender suddenly change their tune and lay down their arms. The group begins to tie them up and Frank decides to question one of them, using his spiked chains as incentive. They get the location of the bandits’ camp from one of the prisoners and find it a quarter mile from the road. They set up camp, loot the bandits’ treasure, and turn the highwaymen over to the Ardrovanian soldiers who eventually come down the road. The party then rests for the night uninterrupted.

The morning of March 26^th comes and the group rides for the day uneventfully and reaches the Paths of Fate Inn. The group enters the large inn and finds it to be a bustling gathering place for people from all over the northeastern portion of the continent, as well as exotic places across the sea.

Caelma sets up a dining room for the group and retires there for a couple of hours to scribe a scroll. Miranda chats it up with a pair of Calabrians who greet her with open arms. Gabriel gravitates towards a group of worshipers of Adonai, his patron god.  Eara meets with an Alborian Bard named Merry Mack who starts to exchange flirtatious pleasantries. Haru speaks with a Tengu (raven-folk) and his catfolk companion, the latter in stylish boots, floppy hat with a feather in it, and a rapier by his side.

Frank talks to a man with an eye patch mainly because Frank has an eye patch. The man turns out to be from Norgheim (Norse), and worships Odin. Frank is inspired by the man’s demeanor and decides to follow Odin as well. Goram ends up in a staring contest with a member of the Order of Sepulcher. The anti-paladin doesn’t appreciate what he sees as the dwarf’s lack of respect, but before the situation comes to blows (and through all this, the dwarf refused to back down, of course!), the crisis is diffused with some honeyed words from Eara.

At this point in the evening, a bard/herald named Barvil takes the stage on behalf of the free lands of Lundar. He exalts the values of uniting the Lundarian Kingdom once again and calling those to move out the remnants of the Valgarion Empire from the former kingdom. The herald announces that a new warlord is coming, a man of might who has the blood of the ancient Lundarian kings in his veins, and who will unite the nobles and lords into a grand kingdom once more. The clientele is disappointed overall, since they were in the mood to hear bardic music, not a paid political announcement.

This attracts the attention of many of the party members, including Caelma who stops working on his scroll to see what all the commotion is about. Plin ends up moving towards a group of gnomes known as the Dogriders led by Desi Diamonduster, Paladin of Garl Glittergold. Caelma also joins up with the group and suggests some magical music to move the “performer” along. Plin recommends a laxative.  The music option prevails and Merry Mack takes the stage to tell the great story of Shadowport and the Four Heroes as well as the story of the New King of Albor.

The group retires to the private dining room and are eventually met with a knock at the door. The newcomer is a male human sorcerer named Feldor who was impressed with the way the group handled themselves out there with some of the patrons. He has a job for the party, who he keenly realizes are wet behind the ears and could use some seasoning. He looks to hire the group to find the Calvera Sangreal, a relic that empowers necromantic spells.

Many in the party look reluctant when the word "necromantic" is said, but Feldor reminds them that necromantic spells also include things like raising the dead and such, and can actually be used for good. The Calvera is a neutral tool, with no inherent morality or ethics attached to it. The group cautiously agrees to the task.

 The grail is located in a large abandoned graveyard that lies to the southeast. The group will be paid 500 gp each for their services plus whatever they find in their travels. The group ends up negotiating with Feldor and is able to secure mounts for those who initially couldn’t afford them.

Later in the evening, Ratchtagg the half-orc checks on his mount (Claude the mule) but once in the stable, his attention is caught by a Nelmarine merchant wagon parked there. He does a little bit of investigation and realizes that the wagon contains slaves, meaning the Nelmarine merchants are in fact slavers. Ratchtagg comes back to the inn and brings this information to the group’s attention.

The group ends up debating whether or not to intercede on behalf of the slaves. Gabriel is greatly opposed to the plan on the grounds that the party is raw and inexperienced, and Takeo, Miranda, and Plin agree. As far as they are concerned, the half-dozen tough-looking guards that accompany the Nelmarine  merchants would be too much to handle. The rest of the group, especially Ratchtagg, argue that they should at least look into the situation and see if there's some way to free the slaves. Miranda decides this is a good time to go to turn in for the night.

Time to split the party! Yay!

Eara gets some information from a drunken slave merchant, who tells her very that they are traveling the next day towards the south to sell their slaves. Outside, Hanabe, Ashton, Frank, and Caelma investigate the barn.  Hanabe notices 12 dinner bowls, as well as two guards watching over the slave wagon. Ok, so 12 slaves are in the wagon then.

As Caelma casts Sending in order to get caught up on any info Eara managed to get, Frank decides to stumble into the stable, acting drunk and smelling of booze, and that’s when the guards begin to unsheathe their swords. Caelma hurries inside and acts as if Frank is his servant boy. In the ensuing conversation, Caelma shows that his prowess is in magic and casts Light, which he holds in such a way that it shines enough light inside the wagon so that his sharp elven vision can see a couple of humans inside the wagon. At this point, Caelma decides to move out of there with Frank in retreat, and regroup for the night.

And that's where we ended....

Say What!?!

In the course of my life thus far I've had my share of really odd things said to me, and some of them have stuck with me even as the years and the decades have rolled on. Here's a sampling of some of the bizarre, WTF things people have said to me, as well as my responses (be they out loud or only in my head), or other commentary appropriate to the situation.

Last Kid In Class During A Game Of Telephone: The fox wanted to jump out the window, but the farmer said "NO!"

(For those not familiar with it, Telephone is a game you play where you tell someone a short story, and they pass it on to the next person, and so on, then the final person recites it aloud, and everyone has a good laugh over how much it changed. This particular occasion happened in elementary school, where the teacher told the first kid the Aesop fable about the Fox and the Grapes.)

Stepmother: It's raining out, and it's all your fault!

(Granted, my step-mother was never a threat to win the Most Rational Human Being Award)

Airhead: I didn't know you were going to remain stopped at the red light!

(This happened when I was 17. I was on Route 3A in Hingham, stopped at a red light, when this Pontiac came tooling down the street and plowed into the rear of my Buick LeSabre, otherwise known as a land-based battleship. That was her response when I asked why she didn't stop. Fortunately, the Karma Police were on duty that day; my car was insured to the hilt and got a cracked tail light; her car's entire front end was devastated, including a punctured radiator and a buckled hood, and she had NO insurance. Yes, that's right...on top of all this, she was driving her car illegally, because Massachusetts makes auto insurance mandatory.)

Me: Hey (name withheld), we're going to the movies this afternoon, want to come along?
Doofus: Wellllll...I'm not sure the Lord wants me to spend my time that way.
Me (internal voice only): A simple "no thanks" would've sufficed, you pompous, self-righteous jackass!

(This happened when I was a member of a college-age Christian fellowship in Boston. A bunch of us from the group decided to go to the movies, but before we went, we decided to extend the invitation to one more. I guess some people really need to take every possible opportunity to show the rest of us just how mega-spiritual they are.)

Backhanded Compliment Person: Wow, JT, you have a good singing voice! I'm really impressed, and a little surprised, considering what your speaking voice sounds like!
Me: Um...thanks?

(He meant well, but wow...)

Space Cadet: Abortion is totally okay because when the procedure occurs, the spirit simply leaves the dead fetus and goes off, looking for another conception to occupy.
Me:  "....."

(Starship U.S.S. WTF departing for Planet Znutar...all aboarrrrd!)

Ex-Girlfriend And Full-Time TurboBitch: You know what your problem is, John? You don't like to take criticism!
Me: You mean there are people out there who do like to?

(You can see why she's an ex...)

Obligatory Rolling Stone Cover Outrage Blog Post

Ever since I was a little kid, I loved rock music. My first album ever, received on my 5th birthday, was this new 1964 release called "Meet the Beatles". As I grew up, I enjoyed oldies (which at that time meant songs from the 50's and early 60's, not today's definition, which seems to be the 70's and 80's. GAH! I've aged!!), then in the 80's I fell in love with New wave and Alternative. So it came as little surprise that I'd subscribe to Rolling Stone, which at the time was THE first and last word in rock and roll journalism, hands down.


As the years passed, I found myself getting increasingly irritated with the magazine. More and more, my reaction after finishing an issue was "What the HELL does this have to do with music!?!". I grew annoyed at some of their questionable cover choices, and their knee-jerk (emphasis on "jerk") liberal bias continually grated on my moderate sensibilities.

When my very long subscription finally came up for renewal, I refused it. After all, why pay good money to get aggravated when I could just jump in my car, drive to Boston, and be aggravated by other people's sucky driving, for free?

But every once in a while, I'd wonder if I did the right thing. Perhaps things had changed. Perhaps it was time to revisit the magazine. People change over the years, after all..so why not an entity like a magazine?

If you've been paying attention to the news lately, you know where this is going.

No way.

Just..no. NO way.

Once upon a time, Rolling Stone was the end all, be all magazine of music and counter-culture. Informative, insightful, sometimes irreverent, intelligent, and entertaining, it's no wonder that for many bands, the ultimate achievement was making the cover. Doctor Hook and the Medicine Show says "Hello".

Now what I see is this sad, smug, pathetic ghost of a magazine that is desperately trying to stay relevant and edgy in a world that grows increasingly disinterested in print journalism as a whole. They've lost their way, much like MTV, which curmudgeons like me remember as a network that showcased fantastic, ground-breaking music videos, but has now replaced music with programming that glorifies pretty much the worst kinds of behavior humanity has to offer, starring a whole stable of reprehensible, shallow, miserable excuses for human beings.

And really, is anyone actually surprised that Rolling Stone refuses to back down and change their terrorist-glamorizing cover? Wake up, people! We're talking here about perhaps one of the most self-satisfied, arrogant packs of sons of bitches in the world of journalism, and considering the field of competition, that's really saying something.

And the sad thing is, the piece is probably pretty good, if the advance hype and description of it is to be believed. By all means, the story should run, especially if it offers anything resembling an insight into the hows and whys. But no, in their desperate “Please, look at me!” bid to attract notoriety and sales, they put up a cover picture that basically makes the little terrorist douchebag look like a rock star. They took things too far, and crossed a line that anyone with even a modicum of class, decency, integrity, and humanity should never cross. Well, at least that small pack of idiotic, disgusting bimbos who have a major crush on him and treat him like the lead singer of the latest boy band will have something to paste on their walls, right?

Even though Rolling Stone is a shadow of its former self, it still carries some cultural weight, coasting, in my humble opinion, on the momentum generated during its glory days. So yes, being on the cover still does carry with it some relevance and importance.

But again, remember, the magazine will NOT back down. They will NOT change their cover. So instead, don’t buy it. If you’re sick of their ridiculous antics, cancel your subscription. Encourage people around you to do likewise; spread the word. Write to businesses that refuse to stock that issue, and praise them for taking their stand, and while you’re at it, add a promise to frequent them.

It would be naïve to think that this incident will cripple the magazine and send it down the justly deserved road to extinction. Sadly, I don’t think we have seen the last of Rolling Stone’s heartless, coldly calculated disrespect and disregard for human suffering. Somehow, I think the worst is still yet to come, but I hope that this particular incident will at the very least open people’s eyes to the magazine’s nastier nature, and at least start it down the road to ruin.

To quote the T-shirt Kurt Cobain wore when Nirvana was, yes, on the cover: “Corporate Magazines Still Suck!”

Definitions

And now, education time. Here's an excerpt from the private dictionary of the House Of Terra.

Parenthood: (noun) 1. The slow, gradual, years-long process of regaining all of those freedoms, privileges, and overall cool things that you gave up when you decided to reproduce in the first place.
2. The act of looking back at the mistakes your parents made, vowing not to do those terrible things when you have kids of your own, and intending to do it right, so that years later, your kids will look back at the mistakes you made, vowing not to do those terrible things when they have kids of their own, and intending to do it right.

Tragic Events and Social Media

Back in the old days (I say as I rock on my porch and tell those damn kids to get off my lawn), when tragedy struck, we read about it in the newspaper. Sometimes, if it was a huge enough deal, there'd be an Extra edition devoted to it. We'd also watch events unfold on the evening news, where somber-faced newscasters tried to project empathy as they reported on some disastrous plane crash, killer storm, or mass murder.

But as each day passes, the coverage lessens. There'd be follow-up stories, sure, and things like final death tolls, property damage, perhaps news of the apprehension of a guilty party. But in general, things begin to calm down, and it's not like you were being constantly bombarded by the tragic news. You could put down the paper, change the channel, get away from it for a while and process it without having it surrounding you.

These days, for better or for worse, we have the Internet, and social media. In an age where people can log into their favorite social media site and read about such minutiae as someone's kid's latest cute malapropism, or some co-worker's odd birthmark, the big stories, the really big stories, are plastered all over and you simply can't escape from them.

And since many people turn to the Internet for everything from entertainment to news to paying bills and much more, you can't help but read about  a tragedy no matter where you go. Fire up your computer and click on your browser, and you'll go to your homepage, and sure enough, there's the news. Go to your social site and what's everyone talking about? Yup.

At least from where I sit (aside from on the couch), it's occurred to me that the abundance of tragedies reported on social media runs the risk of the readers getting desensitized or, if I may be so crass, "fed up" of reading about them.

Let's take Facebook, as a for instance. You are on Facebook. You have people who post on your timeline or whatever. Even though Facebook doesn't have circles like Google+ does, you do unconsciously have your contacts grouped together in easy to categorize sections. Here's your family. Here's the friends you maintain regular contact with. Here's co-workers, old classmates, fellow enthusiasts of a hobby you all share, co-workers from your current job, co-workers from past jobs, and extended family.

Now, let's say that a bomb goes off in a public place. Destruction, death in abundance. Now, sit back and watch the news be reported by every single of your groups of contacts because, since there's little to no overlap, it's being reported for the first time among that particular circle of friends.

After a while, the bombardment of tragic news, updates, rumors, heart-felt tributes, diatribes, and sackcloth and ashes runs the risk of desensitizing us to the truly horrific nature of the tragedy, be it a natural disaster or a man-made event. And this is unfortunate, because we're talking about lives here. People are injured, dying, or homeless. People's lives, at least the ones not so hideously and tragically snuffed out, have changed irrevocably. This should upset us. We should care. And we do, at least most of us do. But after a while, and sadly sometimes not a very long while, we start getting that dangerous little thought germinating in the back of our minds that whispers "Okay, enough already..."

And depending on your friends' ability to process something and move on, you may wake up to find more news and stories relating to that particular tragedy for days, weeks, maybe even months later, and we're not talking about people who personally knew someone who was in the middle of the event, or were in it themselves. There's just that segment of the population that gets profoundly affected by the event and has difficulty letting go.

You don't want to be insensitive, and you certainly don't want to adopt a cavalier attitude towards the horrific events reported, but after a while, that little voice in your head picks up a bullhorn and starts screaming "Oh, shut up and get over it!"

Here, at the risk of coming across as too flip or taking tragedy lightly, is a timeline for disasters as reflected in social media, as I've witnessed it.

Zero Hour: Event occurs
Zero + one minute: First posts announce tragedy
Zero + 10 minutes: Posts pile on, many of them exaggerating figures
Zero +15 minutes: Prayers and good thoughts posted, as more rumors begin to filter in.
Zero + one hour: The first "Keep Calm And..." meme appears
Zero + 90 minutes: Someone has already designed a special loop ribbon custom-made for the event
Zero + two hours: Religious zealots declare that this is happening because God is mad at us for abortion/gay marriage/banning prayer in schools/Justin Beiber
Zero + two hours, 10 minutes: Strident atheists declare that the tragedy is absolute proof that there really, absolutely, positively is no God because there was no divine intervention.
Zero + two hours, 30 minutes: The followers of one political party declare that this happened because their political policies haven't been adopted.
Zero + two hours, 31 minutes: The followers of the opposing political party declare that this happened because their political policies haven't been adopted.
Zero + two hours, 32 minutes: The TinFoil Hat Brigade crawls out from under their rocks and declare the entire thing was manufactured by the gub-mint.
Zero + two hours, 45 minutes: The first annoying Willy Wonka image meme appears, refuting previous political arguments
Zero + three hours: Some inspirational message appears, usually accompanied by a baby and/or a cat
Zero + three hours, 15 minutes: Some posters start leaving comments like "This sort of incident happens all over the world every day; why aren't people equally upset about all of THOSE incidents as well? What makes a disaster in America so freaking special?"
Zero + three hours, 30 minutes: Obama gets blamed
Zero + four hours: Rainbows, flowers, bad poetry
Zero + one day: Stories begin to trickle out about brave rescue workers, survivors first-hand accounts.
Zero + one day, one hour: Some survivors' stories happen to mention that they prayed for rescue
Zero + one day, one hour, ten seconds: God-haters immediately seize upon those survivors' accounts and pick them apart, saying that God is unjust if He only saves people who pray.
Zero + one day, 2 hours: First Jean-Luc Picard meme showing him gesturing, with a caption refuting something or other about the tragedy
Zero + two days: Fund-raising drives commence for helping those affected by the tragedy
Zero + two days, 10 seconds: Heartless scumbags create fake fund-raising charities
Zero + two days, 12 hours: About this time, we start having a very clear idea of what happened, casualties, causes, etc.
Zero + two days, 13 hours: Political arguments, religious arguments, puppies, flowers, pictures of Jesus and/or angels, quotes by Neil De Grasse Tyson, acknowledgement of disaster at sports events, cats.
Zero + three days: Westboro Baptist "church" announces its intention to picket the funerals.

And so on. I wish I could say that any of the above items were exaggerations. They're not.

The Internet and social media can be a wonderful resource for information. Fear is based on ignorance, and being able to access up to the minute news is a good way of getting some answers and perhaps restoring some peace of mind. It's also a great way of finding out how we can help, directly or indirectly, to alleviate suffering and help with the healing. But more of than not, thanks to this new way of getting news, the constant exposure runs the risk of inoculating us against the gravity, the emotional impact of the situation, and thus make us care a little less, replacing concern with an exasperated desire to just stop reading about it constantly. And that in itself is its own unique tragedy.

Happy Independence Day

This photo best expresses the spirit of Independence Day. It's my talented daughter's brilliant creation, and it quite brilliantly epitomizes the holiday, dontcha think?