Yeah, I remember the Great Free Doughnut Riot of 2015. Remember it like it was only this morning, which in fact it was. Never seen the like, nor reckon I ever will again.
It was on Friday, June 5th, just a day before the anniversary of the D-Day invasion. The Disgusting Hideous Winter of 2014-2015 was still fresh in our minds, as was the Non-Existent Spring of 2015, followed by the Why The Hell Is The Furnace Kicking On In May, May.
Anyways, there I was, pulling up to our usual Dunkin Donuts, when I was greeted with a massive line of cars waiting at the Drive-Through. So I parked and decided to just go on in.
Tweren't much better inside. There were lines of desperate people, all eager to get a free lump of sugar and fat. It was chaos! The staff, dressed for some reason in tropical island gear such as leis and plastic grass skirts, were racing about like their tails were on fire, trying to serve the free doughnut-starved hordes.
Course, it beats me how tropical motifs are connected with a free doughnut. When you look at a picture of a Hawaiian beach, you don't suddenly think "Damn, I want a doughnut now!" Well, at least no right-thinking folk do, anyway.
But anyway, I managed to get to the front of the line, and ordered our usual, only to discover that they were out of veggie egg-white wraps! Have you ever heard the like? So I had to think fast, and ordered us some turkey sausage flat-breads instead.
Took them long enough. I swear, I was standing there long enough to actually grow the grass to make a real grass skirt. Fortunately, they finally got my sandwiches, and I left the shuffling masses of the Doughnut Dead behind me, and fled for the relative sanity of our workplace.
Well, if it was sanity I was looking for, I had gone to the wrong place. When my fellow co-workers saw my Dunkin Donuts bag, they rushed up to me with looks of joy, saying "DID YOU GET YOUR FREE DOUGHNUT!?"
When I explained that I really wasn't in a donut mood, they replied with "BUT IT'S FREE!!!!"
Guess some folks have set the bar pretty low when it comes to excitement. Now get off my lawn's website, or I'll text your parents!