Supermarket Background Music- WTF?

Sometimes I have to wonder what people are thinking when they choose the background music for shoppers in their store. Presumably, the music is there as a sort of entertaining distraction that lurks in the background, setting a mood for the shoppers, presumably one that makes them more willing to spend a few extra bucks.

I realize that supermarket managers don't pick the songs. Background music is some sort of canned packaged program. It's not like a supermarket has a DJ that puts together a playlist. But as a side note, wouldn't that just rock? Can't you see it? "OK, shoppers, this next selection is the Beach Boys '409'; and speaking of which, we're having a sale on Formula 409 cleaner, available in aisle four!".

But I digress. In any event, this blog is precipitated by an experience I had recently at one of our favorite supermarkets, Market Basket, or as we like to call it, Basket Case. Carol and I have nicknames for all our supermarkets. There's Snausage's (Shaw's), Basket Case (Market Basket), and Try and Save (the local Hannaford's, that use to be a Shop and Save). And yes, that last name is taken from the Simpsons.

SO anyways, there I was at Basket Case, when over the speakers comes that 70's vintage, whiny, self-pitying shitfest known as "At Seventeen" by Janis Ian. Can there be a more miserable song? And yet that is what was playing over the speakers. This is a song they expect to put people in a receptive mood?

And this isn't an isolated incident. They've also vomited forth "Killing Me Softly" by Roberta Flack. When that song came out in the 70's, I recall really disliking it. Now, more than 30 years later, with more maturity under my belt and a refining of my musical tastes, I can safely say I totally loathe it. A miserable, miserable song, in my humble opinion. This song doesn't inspire me to shop. This song inspires me to jam cucumbers in my ears, then go on a homicidal rampage.

There are others as well, but the titles just aren't coming to me. I think my brain is trying to be merciful.

Stores really need to pay more attention to the song packages they buy. The atmosphere of the store should be conducive to make me want to stick around and buy stuff, not vomit on stock boy and hurl myself through the store's plate glass window.

My iPod Running Playlist

Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast, so they say. Music also has the ability to alter or moderate one's mood, for better or for worse. Furthermore, music can be used to drown out noises like your idiotic co-worker who sits in the next cubie over and has been coughing and grunting incessantly for the past five years. And music can make monotonous chores and activities tolerable.

I need my music when I run, no if's, and's, or but's. A lack of music is sufficient cause for me to cancel a run rather than try it without my sweet tunes. It inspires me, fires me up, and keeps my brain busy.

The following are the songs currently on my iPod's "Running" playlist, presented in alphabetical order.

Bad Romance/Telephone; Lady GaGa
Hey, these songs have a good beat and you can dance...er...run to them.

Buddy Holly; Weezer
Sometimes, there's a song you like, then time goes by, and you get sick of it. Then eventually, years later you hear it again and remember why you like it. That's why this one's in the rotation. Unfortunately, I'm getting sick of it again, so it looks like Buddy Holly may end up crashing. What...too soon?

Carrie-Anne; The Hollies
From Buddy Holly to The Hollies. Lately, I've been experiencing a bit of a British Invasion re-discovery/obsession. Always liked this one. But...what is Carrie-Anne's game, anyway?

Downtown; Petula Clark
See "Carrie-Anne"

For All The Saints
Hymns can be very stirring for the soul, and this one really does it for me. I particularly like the next to last verse, which talks about how a "distant triumph song" lifts the spirits, renews our energy and helps us to soldier on. Appropriate, no? This is by far one of my favorite hymns.

"...and hearts are brave again, and arms (AND LEGS!) are strong...


Happy Together; The Turtles
See Petula Clark and The Hollies. Now if only I can get the image out of my mind of Mario and Yoshi frolicking through a field then eventually punching each other out...

Head Over Heels/Our Lips Are Sealed; The Go-Gos
Catchy, upbeat, definitely gets the legs going. Also, it has some lines that are fitting for a runner...

"...been running so long; what I need is to unwind.."

How You Like Me Now; The Heavy
Oh, this one's a pure "posturing" guilty pleasure for me. Hey, I started out at 220, and now I'm down to 180. So, how do you like me now, sucker? That, and the pseudo-James Brown funky beat makes this one a good running companion. And I almost never have the image of that damned sock monkey from the Kia commercial running through my head anymore.

I Wanna Be Sedated; The Ramones
Fast, frenetic, and short. Like a good run!

I Won't Back Down; Tom Petty
What's that you say? I'm not getting any younger, the weather is hot, and I should take it easy? Screw that, pal...I won't back down!

"..gonna stand my ground; won't be pushed around; and I'll keep this world from pushing me around..."

It's The End Of The World As We Know It; R.E.M.
My all-time favorite song ever? Not on my running playlist? Yeah right...

Jocko Homo; Devo
The synthpunk industrial beat of this song makes it a perfect running choice, and the mechanical noises in the song's bridge bring to mind pistons and machinery pounding away rhythmically. I find my legs pumping in time with that beat, no matter how tired I am. And if there's no one else on the running path, then yeah, maybe sometimes I indulge in the "call and response" of "Are we not men? We are DEVO!"

Random observation: When Mark Mothersbaugh does the "we must repeat" call and response at the end of the song, he sounds like Ed from the cartoon Ed, Edd, and Eddy. You know, the dumb Ed.

"Okay, let's GO!"

Leaving New York; R.E.M.
Quite possibly the most beautiful R.E.M. song ever. It's a nice slow-down song, helps me maintain a more mellow pace.

Life Is A Rock (But The Radio Rolled Me); Reunion
One of the leftovers from my recent 70's kick. This one's starting to wear out its welcome.

The Mesopotamian s; They Might Be Giants
Sargon, Hammurabi, Ashurbanipal and Gilgamesh! This song from their latest CD is bouncy and upbeat. Never fails to perk me up a little.

Monster Zero March
A very recent addition, this instrumental theme totally kicks ass. No matter what state I'm in, no matter how hot it is, or how far into my run I am, this one kicks me into overdrive. Absolutely love it.

Onward Christian Soldiers; Stretch Arm Strong
A punk version of another of my favorite hymns. Fast, uptempo, and just a lot of fun.

"...we are not divided; all one body we; onward Christian soldiers; on to victorrrrry..GO TEAM!"

Story Of My Life; Social Distortion
I love this song, and it's got a good beat to it.

Superman Theme; John Williams
Do I really need to explain this one!?!?!

Supernatural Superserious; R.E.M.
The guitar work, the fast tempo, and the progressively more complex drum work make this one a good way to get my blood moving faster.

Tell Her No; The Zombies
Another of my British Invasion selections, but this one's starting to irritate me, as I find myself paying closer attention to the words. So basically, the singer is telling this other guy that if the singer's girl tells this guy that she loves him and wants him, he should just tell her no. What a wuss! How about "stay away from my girl or I'll rip your goddam lungs out, chump!"? Yeah, this one may be out the door soon. Love the band name, though...

Tessie; Dropkick Murphys
Hmmm...let's see...anthemic song, extols the Red Sox, and gives you a chance to yell out "Two...three...four!" as well as the ever-popular "Oi!". Yeah, I'm there...

Tubthumping; Chumawumba
This one should be obvious...the heat and the exertion is ready to knock you down...but you get up again! It's never gonna keep you down! Good morale-boosting song.

"...I drink a whiskey drink, I drink a vodka drink; and when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink!"- H. Simpson

Working Girl; The Members
Obscure punk/new-wave song by slightly less obscure punk band. Good harmony during the chorus keeps this one on as a sing-along, but I think it's time is drawing to a close.

You're My World; Helen Reddy
Funny, but every iteration of my Running playlist has ONE unabashedly mushy song on it. In the past it's been songs like "Somewhere in the Night" by Barry Manilow, or "(I'll Be) The Greatest Fan Of Your Life" by Edwin McCain. Who knows. Maybe it has something to do with the endorphins that get churned up after I hit the "runners wall". I actually tripped over this one because, in checking British Invasion playlists, I initially found an earlier version done by Cilla Black (a protege of George Martin). That's when I remembered, "Hey! I've always liked this song!" I just think that Reddy's version is better. So this one serves as the requisite mush song.

Songs That May End Up On The Playlist Sooner Rather Than Later
The 1812 Overture (Finale)
Whip It; Devo
Twist and Shout; Beatles
Always Look On The Bright Side of Life; Monty Python

My Musical Education- Part Three

When we last left our hero, he had managed to stagger out of high school with his sanity and self-respect semi-intact. With the exception of a few bright spots, music had not been much of a help in keeping morale up. All of that was about to change.

I began college in 1977 at Suffolk University in Boston, majoring in Journalism. I quickly joined the newspaper, the Suffolk Journal, and through it managed to absorb information about up and coming music groups, courtesy of the Arts and Entertainment reporters.

That, and I was also listening to WBCN 104.1, which at that time was called the Rock of Boston, and rightfully so. You wouldn't know it from hearing it now, but once upon a time, BCN was one of the most influential rock stations in the country. Their DJs were experimental, progressive, and chronic rules-breakers, and they introduced their audiences to new groups like U-2, Devo, B-52s, and many others.

The beauty of this new era of music lay in its non-conformity. Disco, bloated arena rock, soft rock, all of these were being pushed aside by angry young men like Elvis Costello, Iggy Pop, Jim Carroll, Blondie...

(Sad aside...a few hours before this writing, Carol and I stopped at a supermarket to pick up some groceries, and heard Elvis Costello's "Pump It Up" on the store's music system. Alas.)

Anyways, gone were complex dance moves, the ridiculous leisure suits, the hair being just right. Now, you just grabbed some second-hand clothes at an "experienced" clothing store at Harvard Square, went on down to the Rat in Kenmore Square, and flailed around like an epileptic ferret. Now THAT I could do!!!

It wasn't just the Punk/New Wave/Alternative sound for me; I also was introduced to Weird Al Yankovic's demented genius (fittingly enough, by listening to Dr. Demento), and even had room for stuff like Billy Joel, particularly "The Stranger", an amazing album with practically every track a masterpiece.

And now, for an aside: Dear Billy Joel. You are an accomplished piano player and songwriter. However, you are NOT a rock and roller. You are not, have never been, and never will be. Oh, and by the way, if you keep dumping wives/significant others for progressively younger victims..er...mates, in another few years you'll be dating sperm. Please stop. You're creeping me out.

You can see how my eclectic music tastes came to be.

The early 80's brought the Go-Gos, Wall of Voodoo, Madness, Big Country, The Alarm, etc., but by far the best thing to come out of the early 80's for me was this college band from Athens Georgia that I first heard on WBCN with their hit "Radio Free Europe". Yes, my favorite band of all time, R.E.M. I was captivated from the first time I heard RFE.

Thanks to MTV (which believe it or not, back in the early 80s, played VIDEOS), I was introduced to this weird duo, whose debut video consisted pretty much of the two guys running frenetically around, wearing cardboard tubes covered in pieces of carpet on their heads. Yes, it was They Might Be Giants, and their bizarro lyrics.

A special mention needs to be made here about Christian rock. My Christian Fundy stage lasted from about 1974 to 1989. During this time, I was exposed to many Christian bands, many of them trying to rock out, but in a Christian sort of way. My conclusion? Christian rock pretty much blows. But there are two shining exceptions:

Phil Keaggy. This man is a guitar genius. His guitar work is legendary among many musicians, particularly those who admire guitar playing. True story: once, Jimi Hendrix was interviewed and was asked "Do you consider yourself the greatest guitarist ever?" His response was "I don't know...ask Phil Keaggy".

Steve Taylor. Christian New Wave. His stuff was GOOD. And doctrine-wise, his songs took aim at the wishy-washy Liberal Christians, as well as the overly restrictive narrow-minded Conservative Christians. His music advocated taking a stand, yes, but not being a fascist about it, a well-thought out moderate approach, a position which I adhere to nowadays.

The rest of it? Toss it all out. This means you too, Amy Grant. Ugh.

So, building on the music tastes cultivated as a kid then as a teenager (for nothing was thrown out or replaced..it was simply added to), my musical tastes as they stand today were pretty much cemented in place. In fact, I'm not sure there's even call for a Part 4.

And thanks to programs like iTunes and Napster, I've been able to reconstruct a lot of music from my past, resulting in playlists that extend from the 50's to present day. A situation, I'm lead to understand, that's not so unusual among my peers.

Naturally, I've done my best to pass on these music tastes to my kids, and I'm gratified when I see teenagers today checking out stuff from the 50's and 60's. Kind of makes you feel like there's hope for the future!

I conclude with a t-shirt slogan that was created in response to a snarky slogan from a few years back:

"No, I'm not getting too old; your music really DOES suck"

My Musical Education- Part Two

This could have been the shortest entry in the series. I could have simply written the following:

"My Junior High and High School Years were from 1972 to 1977. I listened to the music of the time. Do the math."

But that, while factual enough to give people an idea of what I had to deal with musically, is not completely entertaining. So....

When we last left our decrepit hero, he had made it through early childhood and elementary school, and was now about to plunge into the living Hell known as Junior High/High School.

I began Junior High in Cambridge Mass, and ended it in Hull Mass. What I recall in Hull was that we had the privilege of playing music in the cafeteria during lunch. I remember hearing "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves" far too many times than anyone should ever have to, even in the context of administering capital punishment.

Ah, but I was also exposed to "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon. Which made me look for her album. Which resulted in me seeing her photo on the cover of "No Secrets". Which laid down the groundwork in my thinking that brunettes are a superior life form.

I also recall hearing a song called "Somethings Wrong With Me" a lot as well...it was done by a pop musician named Austin Roberts, who went on to do a putrid song called "Rocky", which has nothing to do with boxers and "Yo Adrienne", which is a pity, because if anyone deserved a good punching, it was the guy who sang that crapfest.

But then we move into the High School years, and oh wow. Oh good Lord. When I think of the category "Music popular in my high school," all I can think of is:

1. The disgusting music/cultural phenomenon known as Disco (Motto: Hey kids, if you already feel out of touch and unpopular, let's throw in a music form that requires that you dress and dance a certain way, and if you don't, it shows how even less "with it" you are!)

2. The mind-numbing soft-rock stylings of Chicago.

3. And Elton John.

Now fortunately, Elton John rocked, and continues to rock. A fantastic entertainer, an amazing pianist, and...well...kind of an inarticulate vocalist. Let's all sing along to one of Reg Dwight's signature hits, shall we?!

So, good-bye, Yellow Brick Road!
Where the dust of sororities bow!
Your cat just peed in your penthouse!
Blowing Jack in my prow!
Back to the havoc go round in the world!
Back to my horny black toe!
Oh I finally decide my future bride!
Beyond the yella brick raaaaaaahhhhaaaaahhaaaaahhhh!!

Wasn't that fun? Well, it sure beat the Hell out of disco, or "Color My World", with that interminable piano riff.

The Beatles were no more, but there was Paul McCartney singing silly love songs. And even though it was...pleasant, it was not the Beatles. Disappointing. I couldn't get into John Lennon's mush-headed "Imagine", George was singing about his sweet Lord Krishna, and Ringo was singing a disturbing song about a 16 year old girl being his.

Oh but that was okay, because if you were tired of someone knocking at the door, there was always the Bay City Rollers! S! A! T-U-R! D-A-Y! Night!

Feel free to commit suicide any time now. Really. I won't hold it against you.

There was also KC and the Sunshine Band, which sounded dumb at the time, but now has a sort of kitschy coolness.

Now, before there was Emo, Goth, or any other permutation of Misery Rock, there was that unholy trinity of miserable singers who created Songs To Slash Your Wrists By. I'm talking about Henry Gross, who had a hit called "Shannon", about a dead dog (I am not making this up); Terry Jacks, and his miserable "Seasons In The Sun"; and Gilbert O'Sullivan, with his smash (s)hit, "Alone Again, Naturally".

Let's sing along to a snipped of the actual lyrics!

"...I remember I cried when my father died, never wishing to hide the tears.
And at 65 years old, my mother God rest her soul, couldn't understand why the only man she had ever loved had been taken.
Leaving her to start, with a heart so badly broken
Despite encouragement from me, no words were ever spoken
When she passed away; I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally."

Whee! Help yourself to some sleeping pills! They're in the cabinet on the right! Wash them down with some vodka! This song was a HIT. A HIT!!! A genuine pop music HIT!

Now, it may seem that my high school years were just a big parade of crappy music. Fortunately, there were some bright spots.

My father had a restaurant, and one of the customers was this guy nicknamed Big John (he was rather heavy), who worked at a used record store nearby, Skippy Whites. When I visited the place, the wide world of 50's and 60's oldies came alive, and I eagerly bought up as many 45s as I could and cultivated an appreciation for them.

This was bolstered from, of all places, the popular tv show "Happy Days", which would feature snippets of oldies (before it devolved into all Fonzie, all the time), so I went and bought those songs as well.

I also became aware of this guy named Dickie Goodman, who made 'novelty records' that receive heavy Top 40 airplay. They were spoken records, with Dickie playing an interviewing journalist. He'd ask questions of his subjects, and the answers were snippets of rock songs, taken in such a way that they fit as answers to his questions. He made songs about relevant 70's stuff like Watergate, The Energy Crisis, and Jaws. Later, I was to find out that he had been doing this since the early 60's, but instead of culling snippets of Olivia Newton-John, the BeeGees, or Ringo Starr, he was borrowing from The Platters, Chuck Berry, and Fats Domino.

Also, through the wonders of Top 40 AM radio, I got my first exposure to Cheech and Chong, with "Earache My Eye" and "Sister Mary Elephant".

Top 40 also brought forth nifty one-hit wonders like Reunion's "Life Is A Rock, But The Radio Rolled Me", or Carl Douglas' "Kung Fu Fighting".

One of the high school church group staff guys was a big Yes fan, so I got turned on to just a little bit of "progressive rock" otherwise known as "art rock", otherwise known as "pretentious nonsense". I'm talking to YOU, Moody Blues! If the trees are drawing you near, then lay off the weed!

And one of my fondest memories of a rock song, and a reason why the movie "Waynes World" will always have a special place in my heart, is being on a date with my girlfriend in my senior year of high school (I didn't date the girls from my high school, though not from lack of trying; I dated girls from Park Street Church's high school youth group), and hearing "Bohemian Rhapsody" on the radio after we left the movie theater.

So yes, it would be a lie to say that music in my High School years was a complete wasteland. I just had to look harder to find the good stuff. Though I still maintain that the 70's produced more hideous songs, minute for minute, than any other decade that featured rock music. Hey, it's Jim Croce's "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown," and "You Don't Mess Around With Jim", which are pretty much the same damned song!

And if that earlier-mentioned trinity of crappy pre-Emo artists hadn't completely sapped you of your will to live, check out some of Harry Chapin's miserable "story" songs like "Cats In The Cradle".

And, as a bizarre side note, I still had my dad's music tastes to deal with. He didn't like rock and roll. He hated it, said it was too loud and repetitious. So, what did we hear when we drove home from his restaurant? WCOP AM 1150...Country music.

This brought me into contact with singers like Tom T. Hall, George Jones, Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn, Johnny Cash, and Hank Williams. I didn't like everything I was forced to hear, but I didn't hate it all either. I even ended up getting a citizens band radio for my car when "Convoy" became a hit.

Speaking of my car, I should wrap this up by pointing out that it was in High School that I put together my first song parody. My town, Hull, is a narrow peninsula that juts out into the ocean, so sometimes, when there'd be a storm, those waves could get rather scary. It inspired me to take Gordon Lightfoot's hit song, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" (another of those classic 70's vintage happy-joy-joy songs, this one about 29 sailors whose ship goes down just 15 miles from harbor, in Lake Superior), and change it to "The Wreck of the Buick LeSabre" (my car's make and model). The song was a stirring piece about my attempts at driving myself and my friends through a nasty storm.

So, that was junior high and high school. What was to become of me? Would my non-conformist soul be crushed by disco? Would my brains be turned to mush by the brass overkill and maudlin lyrics of Chicago? Would the steady stream of pre-Emo misery singers make me want to throw myself under a bus before I even graduated?

Little did I know that a new, raw, chaotic, non-conformist sound had already taken over New York, and would be introducing itself to me soon after graduating!

To be continued....

My Musical Education- Part One

Music is one of those subjects that stirs strong opinions and passions in everyday people, and I'm no exception. I find myself far more likely to offend someone because of my strongly held opinions of what music rocks and what music sucks, than, say, my political or religious viewpoints, and I'm quite firm on those, particularly the latter.

No, it's music that brings out the critic/passionate defender in us all, and I think it's because music has the capacity of really touching people and affecting moods and attitudes. This series of self-indulgent, introspective posts deals with how music came into my life.

My first album, and I remember this clear as day, was bought for me by my father. It was these four guys with what was considered long hair at the time. And I wanted to wear my hair the same way. The album was called "Meet the Beatles".

I played that album to death. What's more, my father bought me a bunch of Beatles 45s, and we're not talking Capitol records here, either...we're talking Tollie Records, the label that released their version of the Isley Brothers' "Twist and Shout". Yeah, the early stuff. Damn, I wish I still had those...

Anyways, I'd spend many happy hours as a six-year old, playing with my electric trains in the cellar, and playing my Beatles album, my Beatles 45's, and a Roy Orbison album, whose title I forget.

My father was of Portuguese-Bermudian extraction, so what music did he like to listen to? Polkas. The Pennsylvania Polka, Beer Barrel Polka, yeah...I don't know. So I ended up listening to that. He also liked Country music, particularly spiritually-oriented fare like Tennessee Ernie Ford. As a kid, I recall seeing an album called Sacred Country Music, and thinking that it said Scared Country Music! My dad's fondness for country music also sparked my interest in Johnny Horton's "story" songs like "Sink the Bismarck" and "The Battle of New Orleans".

There was another case of rock music exposure that I recall. Back in the mid to late 50's, a lot of groups were trying to break into the big time. A common tactic for some of these up and comers would be to find a song in the public domain, "rock" it up, release it, and hope for the best. One group, Johnny and the Hurricanes, took the folk song "Red River Valley" and rocked it out, turning it into "Red River Rock". If you've seen the John Hughes movie "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles", you can catch some of it.

Anyways, I recently found the song, and when I played it, well...they say that the sense of smell is one of the most powerful memory aids, and that may be so, but I'd put music as a close second. When I heard Red River Rock for the first time in over 40 years, I could remember, and I mean remember exactly, where I had heard it when I was just a little kid. I can recall the living room, the old brass thermostat on the wall, the sun pouring in through French windows. It's all clear after about, what, 45 years?

Oh yeah, and my dad also bought me the Mary Poppins soundtrack, but I rapidly got sick of chim-chim-cherees, and let's go fly a kite, up through the toilet pipe (which is how my friends and I sang it, and we thought we were geniuses in doing so).

When I was eight or nine, my parents decided that it would be good if I took piano lessons. Many years later, I can still find Middle C, and I harbor an irrational pathological hatred of the Christmas song, "Jolly Old St. Nicholas".

Next Time- Junior High/High School: The Scourge of Disco, the Wimpiness of Chicago.